我年纪不是很大，19岁而已。
虽然已经在大学读了三年，
可是毕竟还不是个成年人。
21岁以下，还有很多东西是法律不允许做的。
说到底，我还是个孩子。

可是我相信这不是我能够任性发脾气的理由。
EQ超低，这是我最强大的弱点。
我是个大性情的人，很情绪化。
但仍然在努力学习成长当中。

还在学习人与人之间的相处。
不是每个人都能接受你的真性情。
不是每个人都能谅解你的苦心。
不是每个人都愿意陪伴在你身边，和你一起成长。

有些人一直在选择逃避，
有些人在虚伪中长大，
有些人选择在瞒骗中成长，
有些人在互相利用中生存。

我很庆幸在我身边的任何人事物，
让我学习到不同的东西，
也很庆幸在我学习的过程中，
有爱我的人扶持我，陪伴我成长，
给了我许多正能量。

所谓人非圣贤，孰能无过。
我们每个人都从错误中学习，成长。
爱我的人总是告诉我，
错了没有关系，
卸下傲气，说声抱歉，
站起来，重新来过，
然后小心谨慎不要再重犯就好了。

我想说声对不起，
给那些我曾经伤害过的人，
虽然不敢奢望你们会原谅我，
但还是打从心底希望你们能原谅我。
哈哈，有点小矛盾。
即使你们不原谅我也真的没关系，
顶多是难过一点，
然后心里有个小小的结，
老是觉得过意不去，
仅此而已。

不原谅我没关系，
毕竟生活还是要过，
我还是会好好的，
希望你们也会过得好好的。

谢谢神，家人，爱人，和好朋友一直在身边的支持。
对不起神，家人，爱人，朋友，敌人，前男友们，
还有一些我可能不认识，但在言语行为上伤害到的人们，动物和植物们。

反省了很久后，
在这里特别要谢谢和一些人，
是他们让我看见了我自己有多丑恶。
顺便也想把一直郁闷在心底里的话说出来。。。

BSMM的senior和junior们，谢谢你们陪伴了我那么多年。也谢谢你们一直以来的谅解，宽容和包容。那些站在我的立场替我说话的人，谢谢你们。那些觉得我做得不对，当面提点我的人，也谢谢你们，因为我知道你们比我理性，也是为了我好。那么多年来，骂你们或伤害过你们的事很抱歉。以后我做事情会先三思而后行。这次若影响到了你们与朋友之间的相处，或留下了烂摊子给你们收，还是让你们难下台了，很抱歉。以后我自己的事，让我自己来背。

韵维，我虽然不认识你，但是我的话似乎让你觉得你的努力被否定了。但我想说的是，我并没有针对你或否定你努力的意思。我看的是结果，事实就是如此，不管你付出多少努力，出来的成果好就是好，不好就是不好。虽然很不好听，但我还是会说，不过下次，我会说得好听一点。对不起！

映夕，我们曾经是很要好很要好的朋友，我不知道我们了解对方有多深，但还是谢谢你那么直接地提醒了我做人不应该这么直接。你的批评我会虚心接受。我的中文没有你那么好，不懂得好好运用文笔来表达自己的情绪还是那句，很抱歉。不过还是那句，忠言逆耳，话可以任你讲，语文可以任你掰，可是事实就是摆在眼前。至于同理心，人在做天在看，有没有做到，我相信你心里比我更清楚。

淇雁，我们虽然不是很熟，但是我也是认识了你很久。从幼稚园到现在，少少有十几年。我觉得你没有了解我很深，所以我觉得你用了不恰当你形容词来批评我，我没有办法接受。我虽然嚣张，但我说的是事实。你可以说我没有礼貌，EQ低，但我绝对不是双面人，因为我没有人前人后两个样，我很直接的表露出了我心底的不爽快 （虽然我知道这很不应该）。还有礼貌，尊重和礼仪，跟一个人是不是大学生没有关系。一个小学毕业的人可以很有礼貌，懂得以礼待人，一个博士毕业生也可以很没有礼貌。至于形象的问题，我从来就没有，何来失去？所以希望你在批评人家之前，了解一下情况，分析一下，再发表吧。但还是谢谢你的提醒，我会对我的言行负责。你可以说我心虚，或是对号入座，但这句话是不是在说我，你自己很清楚。

然后就是那些我不认识st john的members,的。我承认我说那些话的时候并没有想到和顾及你们的感受，那是因为我其实真的并没有想打击你们的意思，那些话原本就只是想发泄心中的不满，纯粹只是想和自己人讨论而已。还有因为privacy setting 的问题，不知道为什么不是我friendlist 里面的人也看得到我写的东西，让看到了的你们觉得我的话说得很过分，言语伤害了你们，所以很抱歉！我下次说话会说好听一点！privacy setting方面会小心一点！Sorry!不过也是那句，忠言逆耳，我说得是事实，接不接受，你们自己决定吧！

接下来是那些我认识的st john member，facebook 里add我as friend的人。我不会随便approve人，是真的认识的才approve。一般正常的setting是要add了人家做朋友才看得到人家的post的东西，在还没add人家之前，是看不到人家的post的东西的。所以我认为你们跑来add我也是因为想看我post的东西，如果你们不想看的话，那就不要add我，remove我from friend list 吧。人人都有自由，我在我的地方，有自由post我的东西，你也有自由不要add我的，我也有权利disapprove你的friend request 的。但我知道自由是不可以被滥用的，我说那些话的时候，的确实没有想到我的friend list 里有那么多st john 的member, 没有顾及到了你们的感受，很抱歉！我下次说话会rephrase一下，说得好听一点！

说完了！ 心情好过多了！
不管这些人看不看得到，
我都希望我说了的这些话后，
能放下我心中的大石，也能放松你们心里的结！

A life full of engineering

I'm now struggling with the Ocular disease exam tomorrow.
Just wanna take a rest and relax.
And I start to think back.
I wanted to be an engineer during my high school time.
It was like an instinct, telling me I should be an engineer.

Even before I start studying physics and add maths,
I already developed my interest in engineering.
In the Form 2 maths,
there's a chapter where we are all require to match the schematic drawing of an opened paper box construction and the final product. Sometimes we are required to draw it.
I don't know how to explain it, but it looks like this:

I'm always the fastest in the class to match or draw it.
Then after that in the subject Kemahiran Hidup (KH a.k.a Daily Living Skills) in form 3, I was assigned to major in the technical instead of the cooking and sewing like other girls.
We study about engine, motor, carpentry, electronic and electric, plumbing and housing etc.
We are also required to do simple Lukisan Kejuruteraan (Engineering drawing),
using the T-tuler and Big board.
Also almost everytime, i'm the fastest person,
or if not the second fastest person to finish the drawing correctly.
In PMR I score A for my KH, which is less common for girls to obtain an A in KH major in technical division.

And so I determined to take LK (lukisan kejuruteraan a.k.a Engineering Drawing) and TK(techikal kejuruteraan a.k.a  technical Engineering) for my extra subject in SPM.
However, due to the subject limit set by the government, I was not allow to take both of the subject.
They allow me to only register for one of it as an extra subject.
But in my opinion LK and Tk should come together to make engineering a whole.
Taking either one of it will make it incomplete, so in the end, I gave up both.
I tell myself I can still do engineering in higher level of education, if I master my sciences and math well.

Then I came to my Pre-U, A level.
And I told myself, I'm gonna do engineering, so I gave up the subject the dislike the most out of the 3 sciences, BIOLOGY.
I do Physics, Chem and Maths for my A levels. And in math, we can choose to major in statistics or mechanics. Teacher suggest physics students to take mechanics (as most of us are determine to become an engineer) and bio students should take statistics (as biostatistics is a major thing in medic field). So, as expected, I chose mechanics as my major on top of the general maths. Happily scoring A for it. =D

Okay, after all these stuff, finally come to bachelor degree.
I end up studying in optometrist.
Stuck with the biology I told Myself I will never want to do it again,
 stuck with the Biostats that I hated so much, even more than I hate calculus.
Wondering why? Because I love my parents. =)
In the end I had a hard time studying in university compared to the other classmates,
just because I has limited biology knowledge as I don't have biology background for my pre-U.
It's like a form 5 student study university level of biology right after SPM. =.=

Talk about the people around me.
My father studied electronic and electrical engineering.
He wanted to be an engineer.
But because of so many things happened, he unable to continue studying it.

During my highschool time, the closest senior and junior around me,
the good friends in BSMM, mostly took LK and TK as major,
and most of them are now studying engineering.
When we hang out, it's like I'm stuck in between,
 with a great passion and interest of what they are studying,
but not really understanding it because I am a biology student,
 and has limited knowledge of what they were discussing.

Then course mates in A levels, in the physics and mechanics maths class, most of them are now studying engineering, but I'm the only person who is doing biology. =.=

Never mind, then I came to PJ to study optometrist, besides my coursemates, my best friends in KL are engineers. A big bunch of engineers. My life in KL is either hang out with my coursemates, or these engineers.
Then after I fell in love with my current boyfriend. We become couple, and we stay together. I know I will marry this guy. And the important thing is that, he is an mechanical engineer. So I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with an engineer.

I have not much female friends, the two best female friends are Carol and Xin Yi. Carol is studying accountancy and Xin Yi is pursuing music. But the fact is that, both of them are also dating with engineers. Currently in a stable relationship, so it's very likely that both of them are gonna stuck with engineers for the rest of their life too. =.=

I am 19 years old this year, turning 20 in 10 days time.
This is my life, that full of engineering up to this point.
I'm not sure about the future, and not sure where is it leading me to.
But one thing I want to say is, I never regret for not being an engineer.
But I do love engineering and I am happy to be with a bunch of engineering people throughout my life.

Time to continue study, time to go back to biology.
=)

Noel

Christmas is near, just want to share a peaceful yet meaningful song to you all.
This song might sound a little different from the version that you have normally heard.

This piece of music is composed and produced by a friend of mine, Dennis Kuo.
He runs the study music project and constantly produce good music for all of us.
I believe his music will not only help those who are studying,
(although they are designed to be played when we are stuyding),
they also help people who are struggling in work.





Just for you information, this piece is a limited holiday special edition of Study Music Project. When the holiday is over, this video/music will no longer be searchable on Youtube. Therefore, if you really like this video, save the link somewhere or favorite it, cuz it will disappear into oblivion for the rest of the year! 

Support study music project by buying the songs from http://studymusicproject.bandcamp.com/.

Happy holiday and Merry Christmas!

It's december

When I was young, i always look forward the coming of december.
because it means holiday, birthday and most importantly christmas, to me.

But now it's not the case anymore.
I start to fear of december.
For the final exam, for the christmas,
for no time going back home to celebrate birthday.

Sigh, sadness.
Things were much better those days.
Now I just hope to have good rest,
more time with family,
and do things i really like.
Probably a little too demanding,
but i seriously don't feel like doing things right now.
Like Mr lonely says, it seems like i'm wasting my time too.
This is not the life i really want,
I don't ask for fame nor satisfaction.
I just want to be a housewife,
lead a simple, healthy, peaceful life with my family.

But this and that is life right?
There's nothing much we can do about it.
Or probably, i don't dare to do it.

It's my final exam tomorrow,
wish me good luck.